We have all heard the terms, bitter baby mama but never thought that we would experience it first hand. I personally didn’t think that I would. I always felt like I was super lovable and that no one could dislike me, specially for what I felt like was, no reason at all. When I met my husband, He always had his son and I never saw any red flags, but as our friendship started to change to a relationship, things started to take a turn. At first things were cool, she was very much aware of me and I was aware she existed but she wasn’t in the picture very much but then I noticed she started coming around more and then I became pregnant with our first child.
Let’s fast forward to a little later, after I got pregnant and it got close to my due date, we took maternity pictures. I noticed around then was when the bitterness started. She would say things like she was going to beat me up, or I was really ugly, or she would call me out of my name, which of course made my bonus child call me out of my name as well because that’s what his mother referred to me as. I say all that because I realized a few things over the years. The Ex isn’t bitter for no reason, they aren’t upset about nothing. So here are a list of reasons that an Ex may be bitter or hateful towards you.
1. They see the person they were with being a different person for you.
I feel like this was the case with her. The one thing I can remember was everything that my husband did for me, she would say, ” You never did that with/for me.” It can hurt to see someone you once loved being everything you ever wanted to someone else even if you’ve moved on. They may feel like, ” Why wasn’t I worthy of this kind of treatment?”, “What makes us so different?”
2. They fear their child will love you more than they love them.
It sounds crazy to some but people actually feel this way. One of the worst feelings in the world is to have your child not want to deal with you but loves to be around their Ex’s current spouse. It’s actually quite normal to have that fear, specifically when the child spends more time with the Ex-spouse’s new spouse.
3.Unresolved feelings.
This also happens quite often, when a relationship ends abruptly on bad terms there are often things that never get said or feelings that never get addressed. This was also one of the things I experienced first hand. I knew she still loved my husband and couldn’t accept the fact that he no longer wanted to be with her and he had become serious with another woman. She saw him having the family she wanted with him, with me and she never got those feelings resolved, It took my husband having to tell her straight for her to finally let go.
4. They feel you are everything they are not.
You act as a constant reminder of why the marriage/relationship did not work out. You are everything they are not and more. It may be upsetting to them that you act as a living breathing symbolization of what they are weak at, you are strong at.
5. You actually did something you shouldn’t have.
Here is where it can get pretty messy. You may not feel like something you said or did was wrong but they may feel like it was. Sometimes they may feel like you are overstepping your boundaries and you shouldn’t have a say in things because the child is not biologically yours but you may feel like you should because you are parenting and taking care of their child. There is no right or wrong here it’s all in learning to co-parent with them and them learning to co-parent with you.
Today, after almost 6 years of this, we have all grown and become more mature. Sometimes some situations just require time, patience, and understanding, and eventually it will all come full circle.
The Little Black Mama 